It's time I had some time alone

retrohippie87 @ 2006-06-12T21:15:00

2006-06-13T02:15:41Z

oh folks, I am having a damn hard time

the tears, they will just come and go

nobody has to know about anything I've ever done

retrohippie87 @ 2006-04-25T22:27:00

2006-04-26T03:25:45Z

I know no one reads this anymore but I guess I might as well say I probably won't write in it anymore. I'm keeping a written journal now so you can just read that when I die or whatever.

retrohippie87 @ 2006-04-08T03:49:00

2006-04-08T07:47:52Z

THe thing is: I'm taking some boss-ass classes next semester. I am writing as much poetry as I can when it doesn't get smudges by big ol' beer spills. Still though, Susan fucking Thomas has told me how good I am at it, so I think I might try to do it for money.

retrohippie87 @ 2006-03-27T06:19:00

2006-03-27T12:16:26Z

I wish I just didn't sleep. When I do, it's for entirely too long. When I don't, I'm so goddamn prolific.

retrohippie87 @ 2006-02-14T18:19:00

2006-02-14T23:23:57Z

I've been committing suicide for three years to the day. Every other day I step up on a bridge, or put a gun to my head. Weekends are disposed for sitting inside a bottle with a black label and filling it up with tears. I still have to make a plan and write a note, and I'm never pleased with the outcomes. Another thing that happens every day is that I wonder why I would, but also why I shouldn't. I wish I could answer the questions that I've asked myself. I wish I could remember what it was like not to feel this way. It's very painful, you know, but it doesn't count as pain because you can't tell people how it feels.

retrohippie87 @ 2006-02-14T16:13:00

2006-02-14T21:14:02Z

Abject failure without reason

it's been difficult

2006-02-07T07:13:09Z

wrote this after a real hard week 'round these parts. no title yet

So now that you sit behind oak desks,
You've even caused the clouds to march!
The stars and winking Venus, meanwhile,
Spray flak onto the rotors of a passing helicopter,
And below the taller trees have begun begging,
Bowing ever further to the fifty-odd make of car
That cut a hard and fast river into
The face of a planet that's laughing now.

The clouds are forced to ford the rivers, or just build
More permanent bridges. They've been
Trying to get to Africa, where they can
Plunge down and impregnate the Nile and the Congo
With the small lives of its people,
Who climb waterfalls and drink the sun,
All defiantly nude, their skin
Swallowing the thick rains.

HOLY SHIT STROKES FU

2006-01-15T20:27:39Z

CK THEY ARE AWESOME

Sing me a song, you can be
Tell me a tale, just like me
To turn in my way, I'm being free
I'll try not to shake, I'm being free

Oh ooh

All that I do is wait for you
All that I do is wait for you
I can't get along with all your friends
Don't know how to act
It's all there is
Why do I accept the things you say?
You know what to change
But not in what way
How long must I wait?
How long must I wait?
How long must I wait?
How long must I wait?
How long must I wait?

I am not you, we can have
Fun I'm almost thru, great success
It's about time, such a success
But you came thru, no expense

Oh ooh

All that I do is wait for you
All that I do is wait for you
I can't get away from all your friends
I'm not coming back
Its all there is
Why do I accept the things you say?
You know what to change
But not in what way
How long must I wait?
How long must I wait?
How long must I wait?
How long must I wait?
How long must I wait?

Of the twenty-first-and-a-half century

2006-01-14T08:28:38Z

I think I might submit this one to Braggs

I had to duck and dogde,
Making it up the stairs
From that lowest pursuer:
Clouds that had started
To cry tears which froze
Halfway down the sky's face
Because those puddles were
Laughing about their sheer
Liquid in the face of those
Solid vapors.

So upon each second stair
I stamped a flat sole.
Right, Left, Right, Left,
And I left behind thirty-five cents
And a tiny echo, who's latter half
Had just ten seconds prior
Decided that it would
Run opposite me
And out into the black and
Yellow road, where it could
Cry "love", and drive
With it's eyes closed
Into the ice, the wind
And the pale, damp moon.

For my Friends

2006-01-02T11:25:54Z

What are you doing right now?
I am online, but I may be
Away from my computer right now
That is your answer, pal
And although I do consider you
One of my dearest friends
There are three other dear friends
Of mine, who are willing to
Sink a little drink and talk
At length about why exactly
We are friends, and what exactly
It has meant for us in the last
Five or so years of my life

I could say the same about you
Oh sweet friend of mine
But my tongue wouldn't be loosened
So tightly wound, I couldn't
Say anything at all

retrohippie87 @ 2006-01-01T01:42:00

2006-01-01T07:43:37Z

I get this strange feeling, and I mean strange as in foreign. I get the feeling that 2006 could actually be a good year for me. I don't know quite what that is.

I've decided to do this thing here

2005-12-25T22:31:58Z

TEN FIRSTS

1. First Best Friend: Christopher
2. First Hamster: I have only ever had gerbils
3. First Piercing: N/A
4. First highschool crush: no comment asshole
5. First CD: I can't remember but I think it might have been 311
6. First Car: 1990 Toyota Corolla
7. First Love: Katie from kindergarten
8. First Stuffed Animal: My gray teddy bear
9. First Concert: I guess the jazz band at the winery
10. First Time Drunk: The first time I really got drunk was alone in my house

NINE LASTS

1. Last Beverage: Mountain dew, I know it's gross but I always drink it when it's around
2. Last Vehicle Ride: Going out to buy a gift for my mom
3. Last Movie Seen: The Life Aquatic
4. Last Phone Call: I think it probably was Emily
6. Last Bubble Bath: probably when I was five
7. Last Time You Cried: I came close watching Life Aquatic
8. Last Kiss: A couple of weeks ago, but it did not count
9. Last Concert attended: American Analog Set at Lamar's

EIGHT HAVE YOU EVER

1. Have you ever dated one of your best friends?: No
3. Have you ever skinny dipped: No
4. Have you ever been on TV: No
5. Have you ever kissed someone and regretted it: No
6. Have you ever had a sex dream about someone you know: Yes
7. Have you ever been sent to the emergency room: Only when I was just born and they had given me Ceclor
8. Have you ever been in a fist fight: Yes

SEVEN THINGS YOU'RE WEARING

1. Shoes
2. Pants
3. Underpants
4. Shirt
5. Undershirt
6. That's
7. It

SIX THINGS YOU'VE DONE TODAY

1. Opened presents
2. Watched a movie
3. I guess technically I finished watching the Perfect Hair marathon
4. Eaten Lunch
5. Shaved with my new electric shaver
6. Replaced colored lights

FIVE FAVORITE THINGS IN NO ORDER

1. Writing poems
2. Making art
3. Snuggling
4. Listening and participating in music
5. Being with my friends

FOUR PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ANYTHING TO

1. Matt
2. Jarrod
3. Ryan, I suppose, but that is not how we operate
4. My brother

THREE CHOICES

1. eat or drink: drink
2. blonde or brunette: brunette
3. pink or black: black, but I am no goth, don't go getting no idears

TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE

1. Paint a self-portrait
2. Publish my poems

ONE THING YOU REGRET

1. Never trying hard enough

retrohippie87 @ 2005-12-11T21:01:00

2005-12-12T02:02:07Z

It's appropriate that I am writing my last Jackson paper about home.

That is the place where I want to be most.

It is so comfy.

retrohippie87 @ 2005-12-06T01:07:00

2005-12-06T07:04:23Z

I like kisses

Oh yes indeed, I like kisses

retrohippie87 @ 2005-12-05T16:57:00

2005-12-05T22:55:46Z

I've realized that I procrastinate because I see people who study constantly nad still never get any sleep, and I think if I were like that I would lose my mind.

retrohippie87 @ 2005-12-04T02:54:00

2005-12-04T08:53:02Z

I submitted some poems to Dr. Jackson. Five to be exact. I'm amazed I could come up with that many that I liked at all. Here's one of those five that I wrote tonight.

Sheeting

I thought I heard car's wheels
Moving through a puddle and
A speed bump.
But instead, it was the wind
Sheeting the rain hard and sharp
Onto the same speed bumps:
Free for now from battering.

retrohippie87 @ 2005-12-04T01:30:00

2005-12-04T07:28:40Z

Rosemary
Heaven restores you in life
You're Coming with me
Through the aging, the fear and the strife

It's the smiling on the package
It's the faces in the sand
It's the thought that moves you upwards
Embracing me with two hands

Right will take you places
Yeah maybe to the beach
When your friends they do come crying
Tell them how your pleasure's set up on slow-release

Hey wait
Great smile
Sensitive to fate
Not Denial
But hey whose on trial?

It took a lifespan
With no cellmate
A long way back
Sandy, why can't we look the other way?

We speaks about travel
Yeah, we think about the land
We smile like all people
Feeling real tan

I could take you places
Do you need a new man?
Wipe the pollen from the faces
Make me vision to a dream while you wait in the van

Hey wait
Great smile
Sensitive to fate
Not Denial
But hey whose on trial?

It took a lifesapn
With no cellmate
A long way back
Saying me why can't we look the other way?
You're weightless, you are exotic
You need something for which to care
Sandy, why can't we look the other way?
Jesus Christ, man. Interpol lyrics just get you right there.

Leave some shards under the belly
Lay some grease inside my hand
It's a sentimental jury
And the makings of a good plan
You've come to love me nightly
Yeah you've come to hold me tight
Is this motion everlasting
Or do shutters pass in the night?

Rosemary
Oh heaven restores you in life

I spent a lifespan with no cellmate
A long way back
Sandy, why can't we look the other way?
You're weightless, semi-erotic
You need someone to take you there
Sandy, why can't we look the other way?
Why can't we just play the other game?
Why can't we just look the other way?

nour tagged me, but she didn't touch me

2005-11-30T22:19:53Z

I guess i will try to think of ten random things

1. I need to write a sob email to my astronomy professor
2. I also need to get together some poems to show Dr. Jackson
3. I am proud of my vinyl collection. The stack is sizeable.
4. I want to take every pretty girl in the world on a drive in the new MG
5. I am happy my dad shares my love of fine automobiles.
6. I guess I am comfortable that somone so wise as him could be like me, that is, really interested in a lot of material things
7. That last item was too long, this will be tedious to read (notice this is the first item with "I" at the beginning)
8. Simplified ideas are the best kind
9. I'm pretty sure abstract expressionism is my favorite art movement
10. I need to work harder on creative projects

I'm too lazy to tag other people. No one really reads my journal anyway.

retrohippie87 @ 2005-11-26T17:58:00

2005-11-27T00:11:50Z

I guess I might be sad because I feel like nothing ever changes.

I cannot get any work done.

retrohippie87 @ 2005-11-16T00:44:00

2005-11-16T06:43:17Z

well, this will be about 36 hours and counting without sleep.

let's go for the full year!

Well hell

2005-11-15T15:33:25Z

I am going to post this conceptual freewrite I did for this movie idea I was talkin' about.
It's long so you probably won't read it, but I'm proud of the idea, and I've got the entire story laid out basically, except maybe the ending.

The third weekend

A man has a rare condition in which he is only truly conscious of the world on the weekends. He lives through most of the week as though it is just a dream, when in fact he is fully awake and interactive. The problem of 'sleeping' through the week begins very suddenly for him, and he seeks out a neurologist for advice. The doctor tells him that he has a one-of-a-kind mutation among certain receptors in his brain the make it so the he he consciously exists, but does not truly perceive anything real, for every waking hour of the first four weekdays of every week. The doctor at first thinks that his condition is linked to his fairly consistent party lifestyle exhibited only on the weekends, but soon is unable to find evidence that the condition isn't permanent, regardless of the man's actions on the weekends. At first hearing the news of his condition, the man is elated that he can now live a life of pure excess, only having to think about work on day of any given week. When he learns that his condition is permanent, however, he becomes fearful and lonely. Suddenly, three weeks after learning about his condition, he receives a phone call from a woman he met during the week and apparently spent a considerable amount of time with. When she calls him on a friday, he of course does not know who she is. They are forced to end the phone call, but agree to meet again saturday evening, basically to get to know each other all over again. Upon seeing the woman, the man's faint memories, like dreams to him, of the woman's striking beauty and grace are revealed to be true. That night they fall deeply in love with one another, ad the man admits that he is frightened that his memories might betray him and that he could lose his new love. The woman reassures him by saying that she will always be there with him, every morning, to bring breakfast and make sure that their memories with one another cannot die. On sunday night, the man falls asleep and begins to dream as always, except there is something different about this dream. It is vibrant, not like the grey and cloudy pseudo-memories of the past three weeks, and it is of he and his love, who wears a bright red dress, dancing ravishingly to beautiful music. The dream seems to last forever for the man, and somewhere in the back of his mind he yearns never to wake up. Inevitably, it becomes morning once again for the man. He greets his love at the breakfast table with his usual greeting of, "happy friday, honey". Suddenly the woman is utterly tacken aback at this statement. She asks him if he truly thinks that it's friday, for she knows that is is monday. She becomes elated when he says yes, and reveals the truth to him. The man is cured, and he embraces his love with tears of silent joy streaming down their faces.
As an epilogue (maybe), it turns out that the neurologist had driven himself marginally insane at the prospect of decoding the mystery behind this man's condition. No one knew anything about the condition except his nurses, who thought the doctor's theories might just be senility. As he learned more truths about the condition, he became more and more secluded in his work, and just before he died, for reasons unknown to anyone, he destroyed all of his research, notes, and materials. Therefore there was no one left with any notions about the nature of the affliction, and the man himself could not serve as example to anyone, as he is healed. The man "goes back" to work at his job, and actually doesn't do as well at it as he apprently did when he was "asleep". His love moves in with him, and they live happily.

Looking back, it's a little silly to have the doctor go insane over a guy he only treated once or twice. Their relationship should be more prominent, as in on par with the man and the woman.

Anyway yeah i need names.

I guess i just needed to rest

2005-11-15T13:23:55Z

Anyway I stayed up an extra two hours and formulated a movie concept the whole time, and now I wrote it down.
It should probably be some semblance of a script by this summer next.

The characters need names, though.

retrohippie87 @ 2005-11-15T04:53:00

2005-11-15T10:51:07Z

woops, stayed up till six o'clock

thank you, coffee and adderall

thanks for fucking nothing

retrohippie87 @ 2005-11-14T17:55:00

2005-11-14T23:52:40Z

Out of gas
Out of road
Out of car
I don't know how I'm going to go and
I had a drink the other day
Opinions were like kittens
I was giving them away and
I had a drink the other day
I had a lot to say
And I said
You will come down soon too
You will come down too soon

retrohippie87 @ 2005-11-12T02:25:00

2005-11-12T08:25:05Z

Oh my god. I have to do so much work all weekend long. This is what I get for not really doing any work this semester up until this point.