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Jun. 12th, 2006 @ 09:15 pm
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oh folks, I am having a damn hard time
the tears, they will just come and go
nobody has to know about anything I've ever done |
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Apr. 25th, 2006 @ 10:27 pm
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I know no one reads this anymore but I guess I might as well say I probably won't write in it anymore. I'm keeping a written journal now so you can just read that when I die or whatever. |
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Apr. 8th, 2006 @ 03:49 am
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THe thing is: I'm taking some boss-ass classes next semester. I am writing as much poetry as I can when it doesn't get smudges by big ol' beer spills. Still though, Susan fucking Thomas has told me how good I am at it, so I think I might try to do it for money. |
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Mar. 27th, 2006 @ 06:19 am
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I wish I just didn't sleep. When I do, it's for entirely too long. When I don't, I'm so goddamn prolific. |
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Feb. 14th, 2006 @ 06:19 pm
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I've been committing suicide for three years to the day. Every other day I step up on a bridge, or put a gun to my head. Weekends are disposed for sitting inside a bottle with a black label and filling it up with tears. I still have to make a plan and write a note, and I'm never pleased with the outcomes. Another thing that happens every day is that I wonder why I would, but also why I shouldn't. I wish I could answer the questions that I've asked myself. I wish I could remember what it was like not to feel this way. It's very painful, you know, but it doesn't count as pain because you can't tell people how it feels. |
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Abject failure without reason
Feb. 14th, 2006 @ 04:13 pm
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| » it's been difficult |
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wrote this after a real hard week 'round these parts. no title yet
So now that you sit behind oak desks,
You've even caused the clouds to march!
The stars and winking Venus, meanwhile,
Spray flak onto the rotors of a passing helicopter,
And below the taller trees have begun begging,
Bowing ever further to the fifty-odd make of car
That cut a hard and fast river into
The face of a planet that's laughing now.
The clouds are forced to ford the rivers, or just build
More permanent bridges. They've been
Trying to get to Africa, where they can
Plunge down and impregnate the Nile and the Congo
With the small lives of its people,
Who climb waterfalls and drink the sun,
All defiantly nude, their skin
Swallowing the thick rains.
Feb. 7th, 2006 @ 02:12 am
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| » HOLY SHIT STROKES FU |
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CK THEY ARE AWESOME
Sing me a song, you can be
Tell me a tale, just like me
To turn in my way, I'm being free
I'll try not to shake, I'm being free
Oh ooh
All that I do is wait for you
All that I do is wait for you
I can't get along with all your friends
Don't know how to act
It's all there is
Why do I accept the things you say?
You know what to change
But not in what way
How long must I wait?
How long must I wait?
How long must I wait?
How long must I wait?
How long must I wait?
I am not you, we can have
Fun I'm almost thru, great success
It's about time, such a success
But you came thru, no expense
Oh ooh
All that I do is wait for you
All that I do is wait for you
I can't get away from all your friends
I'm not coming back
Its all there is
Why do I accept the things you say?
You know what to change
But not in what way
How long must I wait?
How long must I wait?
How long must I wait?
How long must I wait?
How long must I wait?
Jan. 15th, 2006 @ 02:28 pm
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| » Of the twenty-first-and-a-half century |
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I think I might submit this one to Braggs
I had to duck and dogde,
Making it up the stairs
From that lowest pursuer:
Clouds that had started
To cry tears which froze
Halfway down the sky's face
Because those puddles were
Laughing about their sheer
Liquid in the face of those
Solid vapors.
So upon each second stair
I stamped a flat sole.
Right, Left, Right, Left,
And I left behind thirty-five cents
And a tiny echo, who's latter half
Had just ten seconds prior
Decided that it would
Run opposite me
And out into the black and
Yellow road, where it could
Cry "love", and drive
With it's eyes closed
Into the ice, the wind
And the pale, damp moon.
Jan. 14th, 2006 @ 02:28 am
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| » For my Friends |
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What are you doing right now?
I am online, but I may be
Away from my computer right now
That is your answer, pal
And although I do consider you
One of my dearest friends
There are three other dear friends
Of mine, who are willing to
Sink a little drink and talk
At length about why exactly
We are friends, and what exactly
It has meant for us in the last
Five or so years of my life
I could say the same about you
Oh sweet friend of mine
But my tongue wouldn't be loosened
So tightly wound, I couldn't
Say anything at all
Jan. 2nd, 2006 @ 05:25 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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I get this strange feeling, and I mean strange as in foreign. I get the feeling that 2006 could actually be a good year for me. I don't know quite what that is.
Jan. 1st, 2006 @ 01:42 am
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| » I've decided to do this thing here |
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TEN FIRSTS
1. First Best Friend: Christopher
2. First Hamster: I have only ever had gerbils
3. First Piercing: N/A
4. First highschool crush: no comment asshole
5. First CD: I can't remember but I think it might have been 311
6. First Car: 1990 Toyota Corolla
7. First Love: Katie from kindergarten
8. First Stuffed Animal: My gray teddy bear
9. First Concert: I guess the jazz band at the winery
10. First Time Drunk: The first time I really got drunk was alone in my house
NINE LASTS
1. Last Beverage: Mountain dew, I know it's gross but I always drink it when it's around
2. Last Vehicle Ride: Going out to buy a gift for my mom
3. Last Movie Seen: The Life Aquatic
4. Last Phone Call: I think it probably was Emily
6. Last Bubble Bath: probably when I was five
7. Last Time You Cried: I came close watching Life Aquatic
8. Last Kiss: A couple of weeks ago, but it did not count
9. Last Concert attended: American Analog Set at Lamar's
EIGHT HAVE YOU EVER
1. Have you ever dated one of your best friends?: No
3. Have you ever skinny dipped: No
4. Have you ever been on TV: No
5. Have you ever kissed someone and regretted it: No
6. Have you ever had a sex dream about someone you know: Yes
7. Have you ever been sent to the emergency room: Only when I was just born and they had given me Ceclor
8. Have you ever been in a fist fight: Yes
SEVEN THINGS YOU'RE WEARING
1. Shoes
2. Pants
3. Underpants
4. Shirt
5. Undershirt
6. That's
7. It
SIX THINGS YOU'VE DONE TODAY
1. Opened presents
2. Watched a movie
3. I guess technically I finished watching the Perfect Hair marathon
4. Eaten Lunch
5. Shaved with my new electric shaver
6. Replaced colored lights
FIVE FAVORITE THINGS IN NO ORDER
1. Writing poems
2. Making art
3. Snuggling
4. Listening and participating in music
5. Being with my friends
FOUR PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ANYTHING TO
1. Matt
2. Jarrod
3. Ryan, I suppose, but that is not how we operate
4. My brother
THREE CHOICES
1. eat or drink: drink
2. blonde or brunette: brunette
3. pink or black: black, but I am no goth, don't go getting no idears
TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1. Paint a self-portrait
2. Publish my poems
ONE THING YOU REGRET
1. Never trying hard enough
Dec. 25th, 2005 @ 05:16 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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It's appropriate that I am writing my last Jackson paper about home.
That is the place where I want to be most.
It is so comfy.
Dec. 11th, 2005 @ 09:01 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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I like kisses
Oh yes indeed, I like kisses
Dec. 6th, 2005 @ 01:07 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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I've realized that I procrastinate because I see people who study constantly nad still never get any sleep, and I think if I were like that I would lose my mind.
Dec. 5th, 2005 @ 04:57 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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I submitted some poems to Dr. Jackson. Five to be exact. I'm amazed I could come up with that many that I liked at all. Here's one of those five that I wrote tonight.
Sheeting
I thought I heard car's wheels
Moving through a puddle and
A speed bump.
But instead, it was the wind
Sheeting the rain hard and sharp
Onto the same speed bumps:
Free for now from battering.
Dec. 4th, 2005 @ 02:54 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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Rosemary
Heaven restores you in life
You're Coming with me
Through the aging, the fear and the strife
It's the smiling on the package
It's the faces in the sand
It's the thought that moves you upwards
Embracing me with two hands
Right will take you places
Yeah maybe to the beach
When your friends they do come crying
Tell them how your pleasure's set up on slow-release
Hey wait
Great smile
Sensitive to fate
Not Denial
But hey whose on trial?
It took a lifespan
With no cellmate
A long way back
Sandy, why can't we look the other way?
We speaks about travel
Yeah, we think about the land
We smile like all people
Feeling real tan
I could take you places
Do you need a new man?
Wipe the pollen from the faces
Make me vision to a dream while you wait in the van
Hey wait
Great smile
Sensitive to fate
Not Denial
But hey whose on trial?
It took a lifesapn
With no cellmate
A long way back
Saying me why can't we look the other way?
You're weightless, you are exotic
You need something for which to care
Sandy, why can't we look the other way?
Jesus Christ, man. Interpol lyrics just get you right there.
Leave some shards under the belly
Lay some grease inside my hand
It's a sentimental jury
And the makings of a good plan
You've come to love me nightly
Yeah you've come to hold me tight
Is this motion everlasting
Or do shutters pass in the night?
Rosemary
Oh heaven restores you in life
I spent a lifespan with no cellmate
A long way back
Sandy, why can't we look the other way?
You're weightless, semi-erotic
You need someone to take you there
Sandy, why can't we look the other way?
Why can't we just play the other game?
Why can't we just look the other way?
Dec. 4th, 2005 @ 01:30 am
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| » nour tagged me, but she didn't touch me |
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I guess i will try to think of ten random things
1. I need to write a sob email to my astronomy professor
2. I also need to get together some poems to show Dr. Jackson
3. I am proud of my vinyl collection. The stack is sizeable.
4. I want to take every pretty girl in the world on a drive in the new MG
5. I am happy my dad shares my love of fine automobiles.
6. I guess I am comfortable that somone so wise as him could be like me, that is, really interested in a lot of material things
7. That last item was too long, this will be tedious to read (notice this is the first item with "I" at the beginning)
8. Simplified ideas are the best kind
9. I'm pretty sure abstract expressionism is my favorite art movement
10. I need to work harder on creative projects
I'm too lazy to tag other people. No one really reads my journal anyway.
Nov. 30th, 2005 @ 04:15 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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I guess I might be sad because I feel like nothing ever changes.
I cannot get any work done.
Nov. 26th, 2005 @ 05:58 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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well, this will be about 36 hours and counting without sleep.
let's go for the full year!
Nov. 16th, 2005 @ 12:44 am
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